Once, by a Kremlin oversight, a putin misunderstanding, Moscow allowed Khabarovsk to elect its own governor, Sergei Furgal. And this governor began doing incomprehensible things — working for the people. Now he'd make free lunches in school canteens, now hospitals would get repaired. Sheer russophobia and discrediting of Vladimir Putin. And the foolish people of Khabarovsk began to respect this governor of theirs, and one day a poll showed that the people trusted their governor more than Volodenka the Sun-Faced. Volodenka learned of such vile betrayal and sent from the Capital City to Khabarovsk his doughty oprichniks, loyal to the tsar. Three days and three nights the oprichniks galloped, galloped and galloped, galloped and galloped, until they broke their rectal bottles. At last they galloped into Khabarovsk, caught the negligent governor, beat him cruelly and threw him in prison. They made up a criminal case against Furgal and sent him to penal servitude.
And in place of Furgal they brought to Khabarovsk a new governor, young and trusted, from the harem of the Moscow deputy Volodya Zhirinovsky. The name of that harem old boy was Mishka Degtyarev. He was a funny rascal, a lad up for anything (he took it in the mouth and took it under the tail), and Zhirinovsky loved him for it, for he himself had more than once taken Mishka to the sauna and taken the oath of loyalty from him.
And so the people of Khabarovsk lived with their new governor, lived without a care and grew rich, and whoever opened their mouth out of turn was sat on a bottle. And Furgal was forgotten.
This canvas captures the moment of initiation into governorship. The future governor drops the soap during the ritual, but the caring leader of the LDPR party helps him pick it up.
